PONTIFACTS: Ranking the Popes
A light hearted, only slightly blasphemous papal history podcast, ranking the Popes from Peter to Leo XIV
Pontifacts Tour of Italy: https://celeste.wetravel.com/i/69fc95965ec7d2c71c592914#pontifacts-the-road-to-papacy
Episodes

May 18, 2020
May 18, 2020
27 min
The sixth ecumenical council of the church centered on the Monothelitism and Monoenergism controversies. After many years of struggle, the new emperor set his sights on religious reconciliation, and the result is a nearly yearlong council to confirm a dyothelite Christology. In this episode we discuss the Letter of Agatho, the acclamations of the fathers and anathemas of the besmirchers, and the spectacle of Polychronus and the corpse.
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Jun 7, 2020
Jun 7, 2020
55 min
Pontifacts is 2 years old! To celebrate, we invited a group of our favourite podcasters to participate in an actual-play pope themed D&D adventure. Join us as this rag tag band of Byzantine ‘pilgrims’ attempt to kidnap Pope Martin I, and bring him back to the Emperor. Shenanigans ensue.
Cast:DM: FryConstantine Constantius: Jamie of Totalus RankiumConstans: Rob of Totalus RankiumMilo: Ari of Quest Friends!Adesius: Josh of Drunk Church HistoryEanswythe: BryExarch: David of the SiecleLady of the Night: Courtney of Cult of Domesticity
Hear our cast:Totalus Rankium:https://totalusrankium.podbean.com/ https://totalusrankiumap.podbean.com/ Quest Friends: https://www.questfriendspodcast.com/ Drunk Church History:https://drunkchurchhistory.podbean.com/ The Siecle:http://thesiecle.com/ Cult of Domesticity:https://domesticpodcast.podbean.com/
Campaign:
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/233069
Songs used: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVBgKCYrI-c https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yW4CySchxjI&list=PLhODZ6AEpil7QeRmoKNSvE5F6pJX8iRC6&index=8
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Jun 22, 2020
Jun 22, 2020
49 min
Pontifacts is 2 years old! To celebrate, we invited a group of our favourite podcasters to participate in an actual-play pope themed D&D adventure. Join us as this rag tag band of Byzantine ‘pilgrims’ attempt to kidnap Pope Martin I, and bring him back to the Emperor. Shenanigans ensue.
Cast:DM: FryConstantine Constantius: Jamie of Totalus RankiumConstans: Rob of Totalus RankiumMilo: Ari of Quest Friends!Adesius: Josh of Drunk Church HistoryEanswythe: Bry
Hear our cast:Totalus Rankium:https://totalusrankium.podbean.com/https://totalusrankiumap.podbean.com/Quest Friends: https://www.questfriendspodcast.com/Drunk Church History:https://drunkchurchhistory.podbean.com/
Campaign:
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/233069
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Jul 6, 2020
Jul 6, 2020
49 min
Pontifacts is 2 years old! To celebrate, we invited a group of our favourite podcasters to participate in an actual-play pope themed D&D adventure. Join us as this rag tag band of Byzantine ‘pilgrims’ attempt to kidnap Pope Martin I, and bring him back to the Emperor. Shenanigans ensue Cast:DM: FryConstantine Constantius: Jamie of Totalus RankiumConstans: Rob of Totalus RankiumMilo: Ari of Quest Friends!Adesius: Josh of Drunk Church HistoryEanswythe: Bry
Hear our cast:Totalus Rankium:https://totalusrankium.podbean.com/https://totalusrankiumap.podbean.com/Quest Friends:https://www.questfriendspodcast.com/Drunk Church History:https://drunkchurchhistory.podbean.com/… all hail Bird Constans.
Campaign:
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/233069
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Jul 20, 2020
Jul 20, 2020
38 min
Leo made the greatest impression on the writer of the Liber Pontificalis, who has much to say about his beautiful singing voice. In his episode, we discuss the transfer of endangered relics, finalizing the Third Council of Constantinople, shoring up papal primacy in a contentious Ravenna, and Irish Bullies.
Notes: Celtic Monks - https://commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Meister_des_Book_of_Durrow_001.jpg#mw-jump-to-license
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Aug 3, 2020
Aug 3, 2020
31 min
This second Benedict was yet another talented singer, and so was deeply loved by the Liber Pontificalis author. In his episode, we discuss the symbolic adoption of the Imperial sons, the latest appeals of Wilfrid of York, and... bountiful hands.
Shame Norman Boutin.
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Aug 17, 2020
Aug 17, 2020
19 min
Pope Blackfish was "in every way, temperate", but let's not get him out of bed.
In his episode, we discuss his role in the Third Council of Constantinople, continued imperial relations, presumptuous bishops, and we clearly don't know what Blackfish is about.
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Aug 31, 2020
Aug 31, 2020
31 min
After the death of Pope John V, a division between the Latin Romans and the new eastern Romans led to strong disagreements over who should be Pope. Enter Pope Conon. In his episode, we discuss famous Irish missionaries, Sicilian mistakes, and some Karenas.
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Sep 14, 2020
Sep 14, 2020
1hr 8 min
Pope Sergius had to contend with a lot of chaos! He had to overcome jumped up influencers to win the papacy, and fend off aggressive Imperial threats in order to keep it. In his episode, we discuss a double antipapcy, the Maronites, and all the issues with the Quinisext Council.With a special appearance from our podcast mascots.
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Sep 21, 2020
Sep 21, 2020
1 min
We're extremely pleased to announce that Pontifacts is now a part of the Agora Podcast Network!
Visit the Agora website: https://www.agorapodcastnetwork.com/

Sep 28, 2020
Sep 28, 2020
29 min
Pope Salty Eye lived up to his name better than we could have ever hoped. In his episode, we discuss the unexpected arrival of the Exarch of Ravenna, the unexpected arrival of the Lombards, and the very expected arrival of Wilfrid of York. We also teach Fry's child how to use 'salty'.
(Narrator:"But Bry did not get her bad rolls, and her D&D character ended up insta-killed that very evening!")
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Oct 12, 2020
Oct 12, 2020
25 min
Two Johns in a row! This one got the more unfortunate nickname...In his episode, we deal with John's gamble against the revenge driven Emperor Justinian No-Nose, regulations for clerical dress, and a possibly-definitely made up scandal Fry is not on board with.
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Oct 26, 2020
Oct 26, 2020
21 min
Sisinnius would have made a great pope. In his episode, we discuss the growth of the Eastern influence in the Roman church, the state of the Aurelian walls, and gout.
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Nov 16, 2020
Nov 16, 2020
55 min
After Sisinnius's sudden death, his brother Constantine was the perfect fit to succeed him as pope - he was attracted to the Eastern culture, he had a rapport with the Imperial family, and he had a streak of luck like we haven't seen in a long time. In his episode, we discuss weaboo-ing, vinegar blinding, and sneaky murdering.
https://vurbl.com/station/6kQLp2NkIIO/
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Nov 30, 2020
Nov 30, 2020
1hr 12 min
Pope Gregory II, "the mouthy" has a lot to live up to in his namesake, and a lot of assassination attempts to see off. In his episode, we discuss a significant Tiber flood, an unusually specific synod, the beginning of the Papal States, and the ICONOCLASM. We also ask the important question... who is messing in the olive groves?!
Show Notes: Map of Rome: https://theromanguy.com/wp-content/uploads/Hills-of-ROme-2.jpeg
Tonsure Image: https://humoncomics.com/art/monk-tonsure.png
Papal Coat of Arms of Benedict XVI: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/68/Coat_of_Arms_of_Benedictus_XVI.svg/240px-Coat_of_Arms_of_Benedictus_XVI.svg.png
Lombard/Byzantine Italy:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liutprand,_King_of_the_Lombards#/media/File:Liutprand%27s_Italy.gif
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Dec 14, 2020
Dec 14, 2020
44 min
Pope Gregory III is the last non-European pope in the church until the election of Pope Francis. He also did not expect to be pope! In his episode, we discuss his unusual election, the frustrating obstacles to defending iconoclasm, the ongoing petty squabbles of the Lombards, horse meat, and some actual contact with Charles Martel!
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Jan 4, 2021
Jan 4, 2021
45 min
In this very special bonus episode and our first Agora collaboration, Bry and Fry sit down with Steve Guerra from the History of the Papacy to discuss favourite popes, favourite moments in papal history, and what draws us into the wild and complex legacy of the church.
Find the History of the Papacy here: https://www.atozhistorypage.com/

Jan 18, 2021
Jan 18, 2021
56 min
Pope Zachary, our last "Byzantine" pope, marks an important shift away from the Eastern Empire, towards... yet another empire.
In his episode, we discuss the ongoing Iconoclasm, calming the Lombard threat, evangelization in Germania, and how babies poop sometimes. Come for the bad Angelology, stay for "Here are your Hot Dogs": a broad overview of the Franks.
Revolution 1: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3fuVDWbZ9igPTraCLTZx3j?si=OudvgE-nQWOQnTO2EjZ8yw&fbclid=IwAR1WarEAq1jShf1EvsCPBKhyeIsfW1aIXbiW99SPAXYmBQDaL7sf7-hhPGs
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Feb 1, 2021
Feb 1, 2021
6 min
Stephen was elected to the papacy... that's about it. In his episode, we discuss the debate over when a pope becomes a pope, and the pontifical numbering confusion for the Stephens.
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Feb 15, 2021
Feb 15, 2021
55 min
The real pope Stephen II has a pontificate that marks many very important paradigm shifts that will change the role of the papacy from here on out.
In his episode, we discuss the beginning of the Frankish papacy, yet another Lombard threat, the Donation of Pepin, and the beginning of Popes crowning and legitimating the rule of Kings.
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Mar 1, 2021
Mar 1, 2021
1 min
Intelligent Speech is back, and we will be speaking!
We will be joining forces with Steve of History of the Papacy to talk about the Pope's Secret Escape passageway, and Bry will be participating in a panel on Italy with Steve, Mike of History of Italy, and Marco of Storia d'Italia.
Tickets are available at https://www.intelligentspeechconference.com/
Use code PONT for 10% off your ticket.

Mar 1, 2021
Mar 1, 2021
38 min
The brother of our last Pope, Paul was a capable diplomat, and a fitting choice to continue Stephen's policies. In his episode, we discuss the threat of the Lombards, the threat of the Byzantines, the threat of a Byzantine-Lombard alliance, Saint Petronilla, and no-lady zones.
Intelligent Speech tickets available here:
https://www.intelligentspeechconference.com/
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Use code PONT for 10% off

Mar 15, 2021
Mar 15, 2021
1hr 10 min
Pope Stephen's election comes at a time where the people of the newly established papal states are grappling with having the Pope as their new secular leader. Violence ensues.
In his episode we discussDuke Toto and his antipope, King Desiderius and his antipope, the rise and fall of Chris and Serg, and the new Franks in charge.
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Mar 29, 2021
Mar 29, 2021
1hr 1 min
While Paul Afiarta conspired to secure the papacy, the elite and very popular Hadrian secured the votes instead - and things were about to change!
In his episode, we discuss the fall of Paul Afiarta, the fall of Desiderius and the Lombard Kingdom, the emergence of an empire, and the hardcore bromance with the French Man.
PS- Pontifacts mascot Ridley had plenty to say in this episode, apologies!
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Apr 5, 2021
Apr 5, 2021
58 min
Surprise! In this bonus episode, Bry is joined by Neil of War and Conquest Podcast to talk more about Charlemagne, more Papal States, and discuss whether Pope Hadrian should be on Top 10 pope lists.
War and Conquest: https://www.warandconquest.com/ https://twitter.com/warandconquest1

Apr 12, 2021
Apr 12, 2021
58 min
As a non-noble elected to the Papacy, Leo received a terrible welcome. Fortunately, miracles and Charlemagne made things right. In his episode, we discuss the precedents of judging a pope and oaths of purgation, Holy Roman Emperors, and so much about Carolingian mythmaking that Fry can't take it.
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Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021
34 min
Pope Stephen IV is NOT Stephen VI. In his episode, we discuss the symbolic importance of the coronation of Louis the Pious, Jesus's sandals, and we ask important questions about where you would rather be kissed.
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May 17, 2021
May 17, 2021
58 min
We've reached 100 main episodes, just in time for our three year anniversary! And Paschal is about to make some significant changes!
In his episode we'll discuss a monumental building effort in Rome, the translations of saints relics, and factional, probably totally complicit murder.
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May 31, 2021
May 31, 2021
39 min
Pope Eugene, this time not a ghost, or spiders, wanted to ensure that he maintained a solid relationship with the Franks. And to do that, some compromises must be made. In his episode, we discuss the extremely important Constitutio Romanum, the Council of Rome 826, and which Jungle Book characters the Frankish kings should be.
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Jun 14, 2021
Jun 14, 2021
19 min
Pope Valentine (not that Valentine) was very close with our last pope, which lead to serious confusion about what exactly their relationship was. In his episode, we discuss his pre-papal status, the confusion over the Constitutio Romanum, and the very uncomfortable potential of scandal.
Brace yourselves, our podcast mascots had plenty to say this episode.
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Jun 24, 2021
Jun 24, 2021
45 sec
Pontifacts is going on a brief hiatus, due to surprise moves!
We'll be back as soon as we possibly can - keep an eye on our social media for announcements as to when that will be.
Thank you as always for your understanding and support!

Sep 13, 2021
Sep 13, 2021
51 min
We're back with Gregory IV, an energetic but mild small dog man. In his episode, we discuss fights over Farfa, the protracted Frankish civil wars, world-changing events being blamed on women, and ruses for betrayal!
Will Gregory be as frustrated with the Franks as Fry is?
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Sep 27, 2021
Sep 27, 2021
44 min
Pope Sergius "Hog's Mouth" was the most pure boy, but also a grumpy gouty man who faces one of the greatest losses in church history. In his episode, we discuss why popes aren't called Peter, what happens when you contend with an antipope and the Constitutio Romanum at once, what happens when God "sends pagans to avenge what Christians fail to amend", what happens when you leave your treasures outside, and all the blame we should bestow upon his brother.
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Oct 11, 2021
Oct 11, 2021
40 min
Pope Leo may have been a 'despiser of the self', but there are plenty of reasons for us to like him! In his episode, we discuss the fortification of Rome and Leonine City just in time for the Battle of Ostia, some very important disobedient clerics, a surprise Rexy appearance, and Raphael dicks.
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Oct 25, 2021
Oct 25, 2021
23 min
Pope Johannes has a secret.
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Nov 8, 2021
Nov 8, 2021
49 min
The secret has been revealed, and now its time for the whole of the Pope Joan mythos!
In her episode, we discuss the origins of the legend, the arguments for and against her existence, possible 'hints' of Joan in art and architecture, and the ball touching chair - 'Testiculos habet, et bene pedentes!'
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Nov 22, 2021
Nov 22, 2021
34 min
It's time to answer another important question – WHY Pope Joan? If she didn’t exist, what purpose does the legend of Pope Joan serve?
In this episode, we discuss what Pope Joan represents about the church, popes, and women, and who she might have been created to attack.
Note: In this episode, something went off-kilter with Bry's microphone! Please bear with us and our substandard audio quality.
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Dec 13, 2021
Dec 13, 2021
48 min
Pope Benedict was the actual pope to follow Leo IV, not Pope Joan! In his episode, we discuss a dramatic and confusing antipapacy, why his Liber Pontificalis entry is often missing, complicated consequences of the Iconoclasm, and... astral dew.
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Dec 21, 2021
Dec 21, 2021
1hr 39 min
For this special Christmas crossover, we joined up with Battle Royale to talk about important French Saints, in all their grisly glory!
Check out Battle Royale:
https://battleroyale.buzzsprout.com/1804279?s=09
https://twitter.com/BattleRoyalePod
Show description:
The most wonderful time of the year was made even more wonderful by our first ever guests, Bry and Fry of the Pontifacts podcast, who rate all of the popes from Peter to Francis. Complemented as ever by the splendid humour of Fry and Eliza, Bry and Ben recount the tales of the five patron saints of France who have been woven into our story so far: Saint Petronilla, Saint Denis, Saint Martin, Saint Remy and Saint Radegund.
This is definitely not your average Christmas episode! We've got a guy carrying his own severed head, an emperor's butt being set on fire and a dove descending from the sky with a Molotov cocktail, just to name a few incidents. We also find out that not only could women read in the Dark Ages (shocker!), but one of them could even speak to frogs! How very French of her.

Dec 27, 2021
Dec 27, 2021
1hr 6 min
During our exploration of the Frankish Papacy, Dr. Rutger Kramer has been our academic hero, providing access to sources, and inspiring thought-provoking discussions that resulted in much more informative episodes. So it only seemed right that we invite him on to the show, to provide his expertise!
In this episode, Bry and Rutger discuss the concepts of power, state, and church for both the Carolingians and the Papacy, the complicated dynamics of the Carolingian-Papal relationship, and critically evaluating our contemporary sources!
Find Rutger:https://twitter.com/AnotherAspirin
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Jan 10, 2022
Jan 10, 2022
1hr 35 min
"Few popes hold a more dominating place in the history of the Catholic Church than Nicholas I." So much so, that many church historians and scholars argue that he should be considered Pope Nicholas the Great! But does he hold up to Pope Leo and Gregory? We're going to decide once and for all!
In his episode, we discuss Nicholas's many conflicts against the troublesome Archbishop John of Ravenna, the haughty Archbishop Hincmar of Rheims, the illegitimate Patriarch Photius of Constantinople, and most importantly, the divorce of Lothair II.
It turns out he was the punchy ol' Saint Nicholas all along!
Audio note: Bry's working with a new microphone, there might be a warble or two. It's learning.
Huge thanks to Ben of Fukushima Laser Shark for our jingle!
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Jan 24, 2022
Jan 24, 2022
1hr 8 min
Adrian refused being elected pope twice before his actual pontificate, most likely because he was a married family man!
In his episode, we discuss a surprise invasion of Rome, the somewhat resolution of the Lotharian divorce issue, courting the conversion of Buglars and Slavs, and the MOST perplexing murder.
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Feb 7, 2022
Feb 7, 2022
1hr 18 min
Pope Mad Hook assumes the papacy, and is faced with all the danger! In his episode, we discuss a full on pirate defense of Rome, difficult Guidos, a major shift in how the Holy Roman Emperors were chosen, and the first conflicts of Formosus - with shocking consequences!
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Feb 21, 2022
Feb 21, 2022
44 min
Although there is some confusion over Pope Marinus and his name, one thing that is perfectly clear is that his papacy set an important precedent in papal elections! In his episode, we discuss his approach to the ongoing Formosus situation, his relationship with a rexy king, and another spiritual blow in the Muslim conflict.
Please forgive our warbles, our mics were pure chaos this time around.
Support Pontifacts:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/pontifactspod
Paypal: paypal.me/pontifactspodcast
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/pontifactspod
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Mar 7, 2022
Mar 7, 2022
13 min
This week, we're playing this terrible and nonsensical click-your-own-adventure game.
https://clickhole.com/can-you-keep-an-eye-on-the-pope-for-just-5-minutes-1825124327/
Support Pontifacts:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/pontifactspod
Paypal: paypal.me/pontifactspodcast
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/pontifactspod
Amazon Wishlist: https://tinyurl.com/pontifactswishlist

Mar 14, 2022
Mar 14, 2022
2hr 20 min
In this very special Actual Play episode, we were invited by Zoe and Mac of the Maniculum Podcast to play through the Green Knight TTRPG game, inspired by the A24 release of the Green Knight Movie
Listen as we team up with Andy and John from Saga Thing, and Mary from BookSquadGoals on an adventure to redeem our honour, and face impending death at the hands of the Green Knight!
Playing through literature-inspired games is super fun with Medievalists!!
Visit the Maniculum Podcast: https://www.themaniculumpodcast.com/

Mar 21, 2022
Mar 21, 2022
40 min
Sources on Adrian's papacy are very confused about just about everything!
In his episode, we discuss Hadrian's severe anti-corruption crackdown, a literal plague of locusts, a Diet in Worms (not -that- Diet of Worms), and whether any of it happened when we think it did.
Support Pontifacts:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/pontifactspod
Paypal: paypal.me/pontifactspodcast
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/pontifactspod
Amazon Wishlist: https://tinyurl.com/pontifactswishlist

Apr 11, 2022
Apr 11, 2022
54 min
Due to naming confusion, Pope Stephen V is often called Stephen VI - but he is not THAT Stephen VI!
In his episode, we will discuss his response to the locust-caused famine, special dispensations in light of Saracen violence, the final decision on the Slavonic liturgy, and the END of the Carolingian Dynasty!
Support Pontifacts:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/pontifactspod
Paypal: paypal.me/pontifactspodcast
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/pontifactspod
Amazon Wishlist: https://tinyurl.com/pontifactswishlist

Apr 24, 2022
Apr 24, 2022
59 sec
We will once again be speaking at the Intelligent Speech Conference!
Intelligent Speech takes place online, on June 25th, from 10AM-6PM FST
Tickets are available below, use code POPE at checkout for a discount!
https://www.intelligentspeechconference.com/

May 26, 2022
May 26, 2022
46 min
Given that Pontifacts remains in unexpected hiatus, Bry was invited by Gregg of the Popeular History Podcast to discuss his favourite (and Bry's LEAST favourite) theory about Pope Francis!
In this episode, Gregg and Bry discuss Francis's attitude and commentary about retirement, the Apostolic Constitution, the College of Cardinals, and the one thing they both fervently agree on - their top pick for the next pope!
Find Gregg and the Popeular History Podcast here: https://popeularhistory.podbean.com/

Pontifacts is a independent papal history podcast, ranking all of the popes from Peter to Francis. In each episode, hosts Bry and Fry explore the life of a single pope and contextualize their papacy in world history, and religious development.
The hosts then rate the popes based on a series of amusing subjective categories to determine the value of their contributions and the entertainment of their scandal.
The most impactful popes are awarded a "papal bull", which will grant them further review in an eventual final, which will determine which is the "popiest pope who ever poped!"





