PONTIFACTS

1. On This Rock, I Will Build My Podcast

Welcome to Pontifacts; ranking all the Popes from Peter to Francis! In this light-hearted, only slightly blasphemous podcast, Bry and Fry go through the lives of the Pontiffs, and rate them based on our very valid and not subjective at all categories, to determine which Pope was the popiest Pope that ever Poped.
In this episode, we introduce our concept, our ranking rounds, and discuss how to become a Pope!

2. Look How Big My Hat Is!

What is a Pope? What does a Pope do? What is an average day for a Pope? These questions answered, and more, in the second half of our series introduction!

3. Peter

Our first Pope, St. Peter, is the rock on which the Catholic Church was built – but was this a wise decision? In this episode, we discuss Peter’s life and death, his habit of being a two-faced douche who wrecks parties, and whether or not we think he can defend his circular friends at the end!

4. Linus

Our second and lesser known Pope, Linus, had a big act to follow. But he was a talented preacher that drew many converts to the church, and irritated whole cities. In this episode we look at his life, his lips, and ask the question: Is he worthy of a papal bull?

5. Anacletus

Pope Anacletus... or Pope Cletus... or both? Our third pope has contributed quite a lot to the confusion of the early papal orders. In this episode, we'll examine his lasting contributions of the papacy, and decide once and for all if he is one or two people.
Side Note: Fry's audio is a bit warbly in this episode; chalk it up to growing pains of the new podcast!

6. Clement

Pope Clement I arguably has one of the most interesting lives of the early popes, and not just because of the fan fiction written about him! In this episode, we tackle his fantastical life story, his dramatic legacy, and how he is still relevant in 2018.

7. Evaristus

Evaristus 'dat pope guy' suffers from a lack of information and sources, but there is still fun to be had! In this episode, we discuss his intense commitment to church ordinations, his distinctive facial expressions, and whether or not it is better to be nommed, or beheaded.

8. Alexander I

Pope Alexander I was the first pope to have connections in the imperial court - and this would have significant impact on the Roman Christian world, especially for Alexander himself. This week we will discuss his early life, the conversions of his papacy, and the debate over where he ended up in the end.

9. Sixtus I

Sixtus I, or Xystus has a short episode of shortness, but he still managed to make a few contributions that make for interesting discussion! This week, we'll discuss apostolic letters, no-touchy, and nicknames for bald people.
Make sure to note the announcement of the Summer scheduling change!

10. Telesphorus

Telesphorus started his life in a very different way than the rest of our earlier popes, but this may have made him the perfect candidate for the time. In this episode, we'll discuss where he might have come from, and why he is the Hallmark Card Pope of the Holidays.

11. Hyginus

Pope Hyginus, or Inigo (insert Princess Bride reference here), is said to have held the papacy in a time of relative peace. But is that true? How recent, or short was this peace? In this episode, we will discuss Hyginus's life, heretics, and church hierarchy, which he may or may not have had anything to do with.
Also, Deacon Dad.

12. Pius I

This episode is about Pope Pius I! Or at least, it tries to be, while also touching on all the major figures of second century Christianity that outshone him, including his own brother. We'll discuss Pius's life and contributions, and decide whether or he is an overshadowed gem, or a needle in a haystack. Shepherd of Hermas translation: http://www.earlychristianwritings.com/text/shepherd-lightfoot.html

13. Anicetus

Anicetus led a life that was "so blameless, that he was a model to every one of Christian perfection" - at least according to his biggest fan from the 1800s. In this episode, we discuss his positions on new heresy, his famous friends, and try to figure out just why Father Francis loves him so much.

Bonus Episode: Papal Audience

Surprise! We have a bonus episode to share Bry's Papal Audience experience, and for our exciting announcement - WE ARE NOW ON PATREON! If you'd like to support the show and ensure tons of popey goodness for a long time to come, while being spoiled with bonus material, check us out at https://www.patreon.com/pontifactspod
 
Official summary from Bry's Papal Audience:https://www.vaticannews.va/en/pope/news/2018-08/pope-francis-general-audience-summary.html

14. Soter

Pope Soter was not a SOTE, and we can say that with relative certainty because we can actually talk about his personality! In this episode, we discuss his life, penance, marriage, papal alms, and ask ourselves if being the goodest boi is bull-worthy.
Stay tuned at the end for an important segment of Popewatch.

15. Eleutherius

Eleutherius has been claimed as a symbol of national identity, but not at all in the way you would think! In this episode we will discuss what part he plays in a weird stepbrother syndrome, his thoughts about food, and whether or not he had something to do with a mythical English king.

16. Victor I

Pope Victor will instigate a lot of firsts for the church, and definitely leaves his mark on history. But is this to his benefit? In this episode, we will discuss Easter, AGAIN, the Pokemon evolution of Jesus, and whether or not Victor sacrificed babies.

17. Zephyrinus

Pope Zephyrinus was 'a simple man, without education', or so we are told. In this episode, we will discuss Zephyrinus's life, his policies, and determine whether or not to take salty sources at face value.

18. Callixtus

The Catholic Encyclopedia says: "If we knew more of Callixtus from Catholic sources, he would probably appear as one of the greatest of the popes." Instead, the sources we have are from his greatest critics. But is that a bad thing? His enemies have so much to say! In this episode, we discuss Callixtus's adventurous life, his scandalous policies, his cemetery, and determine whether he was a Saint, or a massive sinner.

19. Urban I

Pope Urban sat on the papal throne, and all he got was the t-shirt... or some accounts would have you believe! But is this an accurate picture of a pope who has achieved literary immortality? In this episode, we will discuss his ordinations, his connection with Saint Cecilia, incorruptible saints, and whether or not he has been fairly judged by time.

Bonus Episode: The Second Nun's Tale

Surprise! Since Pope Urban I is the first pope to leave a lasting mark on famous world literature, we're celebrating with a bonus episode, reading 'The Second Nun's Tale', from Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales.
The Second Nun's Tale can be found online here: http://pinkmonkey.com/dl/library1/book0573.pdf

20. Pontian

Pope Pontian will set a precedent for the church that will resound through to very modern history, and forever change the way the office of Pope is perceived by the world. In this episode, we will discuss his life, his response to the antipope schism, and boopable noses.

21. Anterus

Pope Anterus is one of the most unfortunate of the early popes, due to one of the shortest papacies in history. But in this episode, we seek to uncover if he did anything to make this short papacy substantial.

22. Fabian

Pope Fabian definitely has one of the most unique stories of the early Popes. As the first pope appointed by acclamation, he shook things up, and maybe made a few birb-friends along the way.

23. Cornelius

Pope Cornelius assumed the papacy in the midst of an extremely violent persecution, after the longest period of no-pope-ness that we've seen yet. Will he lead the church in a new unifying direction, or will he scramble with a fractured and decimated church? In this episode, we discuss his life, his fanboys, and common sense versus orthodoxy.
Show Notes:The Letters of Cornelius: http://www.seanmultimedia.com/Pie_Cornelius_I_Letters.html 

24. Lucius

Pope Lucius doesn't have a whole lot of time to make his mark on the church, and he's going to have to spend much of that time on beach vacation. But there are still things to discuss! In this episode, we'll go over his life, his position on the new schism, and the impact his head has on demons.

25. Stephen I

Pope Stephen's papacy begins at a time where what is most needed is consistency, and continuity from the previous popes. And he delivers something entirely different instead. In his episode, we will discuss his papacy, his relationship with pope fanboy Cyprian, and try to separate him from two other popes he's often blended into.

26. Sixtus II

Pope Sixtus II is our first second! He is a heavy hitter in the early church, and his tomb is one of the most visited pilgrimage sites of the first martyrs. In this episode we discuss cults and beans, his famous saint companions, his bloody death, and his Renaissance depictions!

27. Dionysius

This episode is about Pope Dionysius. And Bishop Dionysius, and what Dionysius thought of Dionysius, Dionysius's correspondence with Dionysius, and of course, the Affair of the Dionysii.
 
Show Notes:Writings of Dionysius: http://www.earlychristianwritings.com/dionysiusrome.html

Bonus Episode: Pope Gifts

It's a Pontifacts holiday surprise! Join Fry and Bry as we explore some ridiculous pope-themed gifts you COULD have bought for your loved ones this year, and strange gifts that recent popes have received! We will post links to all of the things we are looking at in this episode on Facebook, check it out there!https://www.facebook.com/pontifactspod/

28. Felix I

We're ringing in the new year with a new Pope, facing old problems!
In his episode, we'll look at the drastic lengths required to deal with pesky Paul of Samosata, how Queen Zenobia of Palmyra factors in, and maybe new, maybe old tradition of graveside martyrdom commemoration.

29. Eutychian

Was Pope Eutychian even a pope at all? Historians will argue, and the mass destruction of Christian records during the Diocletian persecutions will obfuscate the answers. In this episode, we'll spend some time recapping the state of the empire, and then try to determine a feasible schedule to bury over 300 martyrs in 8 years.

30. Caius

Pope Caius the Dalmatian was somehow related to one of the most important emperors in Roman history, and also maybe a saint. Also maybe that saint was faced with some incest? And maybe he was REALLY old when he became pope. This is an episode with many mysteries!
Show Notes: Finger-Ring Lore: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/43707/43707-h/43707-h.htm

31. Marcellinus

There is nothing we can say here without giving it all away. You're just going to have to listen.

32. Marcellus I

Marcellus came to the papacy in the lull of the brutal Diocletian persecutions. In this episode, we'll discuss how he did right by his predecessor, re-organized a devastated Church, and then got sucked into internal chaos under Heraclius the jerk.

33. Eusebius

Eusebius, not THAT Eusebius, didn't really have a chance. He probably should have stayed a physician.

34. Militiades

Militiades is our second African Pope, and held the papacy during a massive shift of Christendom in the empire that no one saw coming. In this episode, we will discuss putrefying wormy bodies, shocking edicts, and introduce the founder of the Christianization... Constantine!

35. Sylvester I

We have reached the papacy of the Council of Nicaea! But come back for that next week., because we're going to spend as much time on it this week as Sylvester did. In this episode, we will discuss his papacy, unpack legends, talk about a dragon, and yell at him to "go!"
Show Notes:The Golden Legend Life of Saint Sylvester: http://catholicsaints.info/the-golden-legend-the-life-of-saint-silvester/

Council Episode: The Council of Nicaea

We've finally arrived at the most important moment of the early church! In this episode, we set aside our popes for a substantial tangent to explore the details of the church's first ecumenical council. We will discuss the main players, the logistics, the final theological decisions, and self castration.

36. Mark I

Pope Mark I witnessed many significant shifts during his early church career, so by the time he became pope, it was practically time for a break. In this episode, we introduce the Athanasius interlude, clerical fashion, and the merit of beards.
A special thank you to our friend Ben oFukushimama Laser Shark for the music for our new segment. 
 
Show notes:Papal Ring of Pope Pius II:  https://sammlung.mak.at/en/collection_online?id=collect-22068&fbclid=IwAR1c-biPNqKitoVsIHaFMTxhpJ0yAKlXzEV823gnUVSwRAbv-YBbkwtNv-4The Tomb of Mark: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/03/Tomb_of_Pope_Mark.jpg/800px-Tomb_of_Pope_Mark.jpg"Why is That" Podcast Article on John Henry Newman:http://whyisthatpodcast.blogspot.com/2018/05/saving-john-henry-newmans-legacy-how.html?m=1

37. Julius I

Pope Julius I, the "Defender of Orthodoxy", assumed the papacy while Eusebius of Nicomedia was still stirring an Arian fuss in the East, and Athanasius was in and out of peril. But he was not going to back down! In this episode, we discuss a series of rival councils, Christmas, and cankle necks.

Bonus Episode: PBC2019

The Meeting on the Protection of Minors in the Church happened at the end of February, and was the first summit of its kind in history. In this special POPEWATCH bonus episode, we go over the program of the council, the conclusions and directives announced at its end, what may come in the future, and the reactions from around the world. We also talk about why shitty Vigano is shitty.

38. Liberius

Pope Liberius would rather die than deny his faith or condemn Athanasius. He tells us so at least twice. But Emperor Constantius is ready to call his bluff, with circumstances we haven't seen since Christian toleration. In this episode, we outline the bribery, the threats, the councils, the antipopes, and the alleged scandal that followed! Are you prepared for some co-poping?

Bonus Episode: Theodoret's Conference of Liberius and Constantius

In this week's episode, we covered the exile of Pope Liberius following his refusal to condemn Athanasius and sign a Semi-Arian creed. A version of how this meeting between the Pope and Emperor Constantius II might have gone has been preserved in Theodoret's Ecclesiastical Histories, Chapter 13. Ergo, its time for a dramatic reading!
Thank you to David Shealy for providing several voices! Theodoret's Ecclesiastical Histories: http://www.newadvent.org/fathers/27022.htm
 

39. Damasus

Pope Damasus is certainly a giant of the early church. He ensured a lasting legacy by vigorously asserting papal primacy, officially defining orthodoxy and doctrine, and putting his name and terrible poetry on epitaphs everywhere. And thats all without saying anything of the scandals, schisms and murder!

Bonus: Athanasius with History of the Copts!

In our greatest Athanasius Interlude yet, we are joined by Johnathan Adly from the History of the Copts Podcast, to fully dig into the much exiled Patriarch of Alexandria, Athanasius! In this episode, we discuss all things Athanasius, as well as the character of the Eastern early church, the state of the empire, the power of the papacy, and how all of this ties into Coptic Christianity!

40. Siricius

Pope Siricius really hated heretics, and when monks or nuns were banging in the monasteries. In this episode, we discuss the earliest preserved papal decretals in history, early church policy on clerical celibacy, and why 'Vicious Siricius' is a sassy drag biatch.

41. Anastasius I

Pope Anastasius, our "model of piety and sanctity" wins quite a reputation from the contemporary figures of the day, and crush-prone priests. But is it a deserved reputation, when we have so little to credit him for? In his episode, we go back to the origin of Origen, explore the diss tracks of Tyrannius Rufinus and Jerome, find another Eusebius, and speculate about potential papal progeny.

42. Innocent I

The first pope of the too-obvious name was "energetic about heretics", and for establishing papal power through distant authorities. But this is a milestone episode, because we have a handful of MAJOR things to cover: John Chrysostom. The Visigothic Sack of Rome. Pelagius. Buckle in!

Bonus Episode: Anniversary Special!

Pontifacts is 1 year old! Join us for an amusing recap of our popey journey thus far, and an AMA session - and THANK YOU for being a part of our podcast!