PONTIFACTS: Ranking the Popes

43. Zosimus

Pope Zosimus started his papacy with a Vegas style shotgun friendship, and it set the tone for everything to follow. In his episode, we discuss pel-la-lagirism and bad citations, what happens when decisions are hasty and uninformed, and what happens when you don't check your sources. It sounds like a class, but Zosimus really could have benefitted...
 
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44. Boniface I

Ol'Bonny came into the papacy right in the middle of the deep clerical divides caused by Pope Zosimus - which is how you get antipopes. Despite being a perfect (albeit unwilling) candidate, he will have fight to defend his election, and then scramble to fix the problems initiated by his predecessor. Side note: Bry was actively losing her voice throughout the entire recording of this episode, apologies for weirdness.
 
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45. Celestine I

Pope Celestine invites you to join him on his world tour! This papacy left its fingerprints on Gaul, Italy, Africa, Illyria, Britain and...Ireland! In his episode, we discuss the inception of Nestorianism, the Council of Ephesus, and Augustinian love letters that say hi.
 
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46. Sixtus III

The first papal name to get a second, also is the first to get a third! In his episode, we discuss potential Pelagian patronage, the ongoing conflict between Cyril of Alexandria and John of Antioch, and.... SOMETHING.
 
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47. Leo I (The Great)

Pope Leo I is one of only two popes to officially earn "the Great" epithet, and is by far the most significant church leader in the early church. He had a prolific international career long before his papacy, and he would go on to be an absolute giant of history. In his episode, we discuss the various ways he consolidated papal primacy as a real thing and drove off the major heresies of the day, the christological debates of the 5th century and the major steps towards orthodoxy, and how an old man pope stood up to the fiercest threats that Rome had ever faced. And thanks to Ben Vanbuskirk of Fukushima Laser Shark for our Leo Ditty!
 
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Council Episode: The Council of Chalcedon

The Council of Chalcedon in 451, is one of the church's most formative, important, and controversial ecumenical councils - and considering the massive bulk of Pope Leo I's episode, we've set aside an entire episode for Chalcedon. In this episode, we'll discuss the major factions of the Christological debate, the balance between the Tome of Leo and the Anathemas of Cyril, the Robber Synod, and the implications that orthodoxy will have for future popes.
 
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48. Hilarius

The name says it all... or does it?
Re-released to include the Hilarius sketch and song from Rob and Jaime at Totalus Rankium! (From episode 81. Anthemius: https://totalusrankium.podbean.com/e/81-anthemius/)
 
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49. Simplicius

Pope Simpl*cius, besides providing excellent inspiration for 00's pop bands, was pope through a series of major turning points for papal history. He would be forced to contend with the FALL OF ROME and the rise of Odoacer, the chaos in the Empire with Zeno and Basiliscus, as well as both the Enkyklikon and the Henotikon! Much nail biting ensues.
 
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50. Felix III

Our first "medieval" pope entered the papacy between a steady western kingdom, a chaotic eastern empire, and a sorely persecuted Africa. In his episode, we discuss the official outbreak of the Acacian Schism, the ongoing battle of the Henotikon, and so many diptychs. 
 
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51. Gelasius

Gelasius is our third and final African pope! And more than the other African popes, he raises questions about race.... sort of. In his episode, we discuss the ongoing and far from ended Acacian Schism, the Duo Sunt and its thousand year legacy -- and the Lupercalia!
 
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52. Anastasius II

Anastasius II approached the Acacian Schism with conciliation and a desire to make peace ... and he's going to hell for it.
 
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Bonus Episode: Dante's Sixth Ring of Hell

Poor maligned Pope Anastasius II is forever immortalized in one of the most famous literary works of all time - Dante's Inferno! Join us as we introduce Dante and the Divine Comedy, and explore the sixth ring of hell, reserved for blasphemers and heretics. This is where Anastasius lives now.
 
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53. Symmachus

Symmachus comes into the papacy after an extreme divide between the Pro-Byzantine and Pro-Ostrogothic factions. And divides usually lead to antipopes! In this episode, we'll discuss the Laurentian Schism, the lasting implications of the Palmary Synod, and what happens during 4 years of violence.
 
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54. Hormisdas

 Pope Hormisdas is one of the greatest papal peacemakers in history, and for this, he will have a significant 1500 year legacy. In this episode, we discuss the cagey negotiations with Emperor Anastasius, the final end of the Acacian Schism, and the end of persecution in the Vandal Kingdom.
 
Make sure you listen to the end for Deacon Dad reading the Formula of Hormisdas!
 
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55. John I

Pope John I, aka "Blue Hook", was an old man by the time he was elected to the papacy - which made King Theoderic's demands on him all the more unreasonable. In his episode, we will discuss the shifting dynamic between the Ostrogothic West and the newly re-orthodox Byzantine East, new expressions of papal primacy in Constantinople, and what happens when you accomplish exactly what a paranoid jealous king wanted you to do.
 
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Announcement: Sound Education 2019

Pontifacts is appearing at Sound Education Conference this year, giving a talk on the wildest papal elections in history! Sound Education is October 9-12 in Boston, Massachusetts. Find out more here: https://www.soundeducation.fm/Register here:https://www.eventbrite.com/e/sound-education-2019-an-educational-audio-conference-tickets-58605170643

56. Felix IV

Pope Felix IV is our third, not fourth Pope Felix, but thanks to the previous antipope, the naming conventions remain all out of whack. In his episode, we'll discuss the new faces of the Ostrogothic Kingdom, ecclesiastical immunity, the reappearance of Semi-Pelagianism, and how much gold Fry owns.
 
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57. Boniface II

Pope Boniface is the pope who was never supposed to be, and is only accepted on a technicality. In his episode, we discuss the outcomes of popes choosing their own successors, an extremely complicated but short lived antipapacy, and the sexiest of oranges.
 
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58. John II

ope John II AKA "Poor Devil" was the first pope to take a pontifical name! In this episode, we discuss the first crackdown on simony in the church, the budding relationship of the church and Emperor Justinian, and long long men (listen to the end!)
 
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59. Agapetus I

In this episode, we talk about the controversial upheaval of the Ostrogothic Kingdom, the arrival of the Imperial John Wick, new precedents set in Constantinople, and some really negative feelings about mustache preservation.
 
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60. Silverius

 Pope Silverius, son of Pope Hormisdas assumed the papacy in a very unconventional way - and it's not nepotism! In his episode, we discuss King Theodahad's scramble to stave off Emperor Justinian, plots to make the papacy Monophysite friendly, and another seige on Rome. Come for the schemes, stay for the ultimate scandal!
 
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61. Vigilius

Buckle in for a wild ride.
 
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Bonus Episode: Sound Education 2019

Bry and Fry talk about their experiences at Sound Education, as well as their wonderful adventures in Boston and Salem and the wonderful people they spent time with!

Council Episode: The Second Council of Constantinople

The fifth Ecumenical Council of the church was about Monophysitism! Or Nestorianism! Wait, its both! And the Three Chapters are caught in the middle. Its also political intrigue and boycott bolstering and character assassination, doesn't that sound like a good time?
 
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62. Pelagius I

We last left Pelagius arrested and imprisoned in a monastery, AND excommunicated, having denounced Pope Vigilius. But thanks to a strong bond with the Emperor Justinian, he still ended up as the next Pope.
In his episode, we'll discuss his many diplomatic roles, more roman sacking, his dramatic efforts to clear his name from scandal, more diptychs, and how Fry says 'picture' weird.
 
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63. John III

Pope Silky Dog chose to be a John, but we're not sure when. We're not sure about quite a lot of things, because we've hit a medieval shrouding. And yet, in his episode, we are still able to discuss the distinction of the 'Byzantine Papacy' period, the introduction of the Lombards into Italy, the Exarch, Narses, and even a return to living in the catacombs!
 
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64. Benedict I

Pope Benedict, the first of many eggs, exists in the period of chaos caused by the invasion and establishment of the Lombard Kingdom, so information is scarce. In his episode, we'll discuss the political developments of the Lombards, the current state of Rome, another holy Benedict, and wargs.
 
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65. Pelagius II

The papacy of Pope Pelagius II is fortunately blessed with more sources than poor Pope Benedict I, although the sources exist almost exclusively to pay attention to his future successor. But it is a busy time with Lombards, Franks, and the first confirmed outbreak of smallpox in Rome. In his episode, we say a sad goodbye, start the Ecumenical Patriarch feud, and come back to dicks out for celibacy!
 
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Crossover: Quest Friends! The Frozen Factory Pt. 1

Pope Abstemius was dealt a pretty bad hand, as far as Amber Popes go. Following Durranet's ill-fated crusades, Abstemius was stuck with an Order of Truth that no one really cared for and a rival that undermined his every action. In his two-part episode, we'll discuss Abstemius's return to classic traditions, his relationship with the foolhardy antipope Paloma, and the magic of something called "Christmas."
(Bry and Fry play Numenera! We had an absolute blast with the wonderful cast of Quest Friends!, playing as the Amber Pope and Antipope in the fractured Order of Truth)Listen to Quest Friends! https://questfriendspodcast.com
Music Credits "Friends" by Miracle of Sound  (YouTube: https://youtu.be/uH-8TDe5s-E, Bandcamp: https://miracleofsound.bandcamp.com/track/friends-2)
"A Funny Quirky Waltz" by AlisterBunclark: https://audiojungle.net/item/a-funny-quirky-waltz/20487898?ref=AlisterBunclark…
"Lobby Time" by Kevin MacLeod: http://incompetech.com "Hitoshio" by Miracle of Sound (YouTube: https://youtu.be/m5Ahfl6gcH4, Bandcamp: https://miracleofsound.bandcamp.com/track/hitoshio)
Additional Music from Motion Array: https://motionarray.com

66. Gregory I (The Great)

Pope Gregory I, the second pope to earn “the Great” epithet, and like our first Great Pope Leo, he had a prolific career before becoming pope, including holding the highest civic office in Rome and serving as an apocrisiarius in Constantinople. But neither of these were jobs he wanted because he much preferred a monastic life, removed from the world. Imagine his disappointment when he is acclaimed as the next pope! In his episode, we discuss Gregory’s efforts to defend the whole of Italy from Lombard aggression through military strategy and co-opting secular authority, the evangelization of Britain through bad dad puns, more miracles than you can shake a stick at, hot grapes and too many eyes.
And thanks to Ben Vanbuskirk of Fukushima Laser Shark for our Gregory Ditty, and Totalus Rankium for Gregory singing!
 
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Bonus Episode: The Writings of Pope Gregory the Great

In this episode, we discuss the 900 epistles of the Registrum Epistolarum, the Liber Pastoralis (Rules for the Pastor), the Commentaries on Job, the Dialogues, and Gregory’s controversial legacy on the conceptualization of a biblical figure.
 
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Crossover: Quest Friends! The Frozen Factory Pt. 2

Pope Abstemius was dealt a pretty bad hand, as far as Amber Popes go. Following Durranet's ill-fated crusades, Abstemius was stuck with an Order of Truth that no one really cared for and a rival that undermined his every action. In his two-part episode, we'll discuss Abstemius's return to classic traditions, his relationship with the foolhardy antipope Paloma, and the magic of something called "Christmas."
(Bry and Fry play Numenera! We had an absolute blast with the wonderful cast of Quest Friends!, playing as the Amber Pope and Antipope in the fractured Order of Truth)
Listen to Quest Friends! https://questfriendspodcast.com
The cockatoo video Kyle references: https://youtu.be/CEQuDyuQFKE
Intro music by Miracle of Sound Friends (YouTube: https://youtu.be/uH-8TDe5s-E, Bandcamp: https://miracleofsound.bandcamp.com/track/friends-2)
Music Credits
"Derp Away" by Liam Priestnall: https://youtu.be/SLpef-yVKL4
"Rainy day Short Ver." by Souichi Sakagami: https://tandess.com/en/music/free-material/data/rainy-day-short.html…
Additional Music from Motion Array: https://motionarray.com

Bonus Episode: Dante's Sixth Sphere of Heaven

Is it any surprise that Pope Gregory the Great ended up with a place in Dante's Paradiso? And yet, he is never named! Join us as we introduce the spheres of paradise, and explore the sixth sphere, reserved for the just rulers. We'll parse out where the pope appears, and deal with a singing eagle eyeball.
 
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67. Sabinian

Pope Sabinian is the anti-Gregory, in every possible way. He had a bad time in Constantinople, and then a worse time in Rome. He replaced monks with clerics in ecclesiastical roles, and made a massive error in judgment that made him one of the most despised popes of the era. But at least he will have one of the strangest papal deaths of all time!
 
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68. Boniface III

Pope Boniface shone where his predecessor failed. He was a successful apocrisiary, an influential pope, and was able to achieve something that several previous popes could not. In his episode, we'll revisit the Ecumenical Patriarch controversy, re-reform papal election protocol, and call out 'Roman extraction'.
 
(And thank you to Chris Cree for the Popeslap!)
 
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69. Boniface IV

Boniface was a protégé of Pope Gregory, and he maintained a very Gregorian tone during his papacy. Which makes sense, since he was doing all the work anyway. In his episode, we'll discuss the conversion of the Pantheon from a pagan temple to a Catholic basilica, the first visit of an English bishop to Rome, a return to a long, long, never-ending issue, and part-time popery.
 
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70. Adeodatus I

Adeodatus, or Deusdedit, was the first priest elected to be the Pope since John II, and he held the first ordinations for new priests since the beginning of Pope Gregory's papacy. In his episode, we discuss the rebellion in the exarchate of Ravenna, preview the instability in the Lombard Kingdom, investigate the first papal bullae, and get up front and personal with leprosy.
 
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71. Boniface V

Boniface is our first Neopolitan pope, but he is certainly the vanilla. In his episode, we'll discuss the origin of church sanctuary and its first universal implementation, a rebellion in the exarchate that put Rome under direct threat, and the continued expansion of English evangelization.
 
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72. Honorius I

Pope Honorius has one of the most unique legacies in the history of the papacy, making him the subject of debate all the way through to the first Vatican Council in 1870. In his episode, we discuss monumental restoration efforts in Rome, disruptions in Lombard rule, connections throughout the universal church, and a new heresy with posthumous consequences.
Besmirch the besmirchers.
 
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73. Severinus

Monothelitism is on the rise, and Pope Honorius's gag order hasn't held the discussion at bay. So when Severinus is elected to the papacy, he will be faced with a choice: cooperate, or not be pope. In his episode, we discuss the Ecthesis, a Roman-Byzantine standoff, cloacas, and how little we know about Tinder.
Check out https://everypope.wordpress.com/ for some cool pope pictures we mentioned on the show.
 
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74. John IV

We rolled a pretty euphemistic nickname for this pope. In his episode, we discuss the latest developments in the monothelite controversy, gentle defenses for Pope Honorius, and Slavic invasions in newly-Christianizing Dalmatia.
Potatoes.
(Bry is still struggling with coughs and respiratory stuff, apologies for weird sounds.)
 
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75. Theodore I

Pope Theodore was born in Jerusalem, and found himself hastily relocating to Rome. In his episode, we discuss the Muslim conquest of the Levant, the worsening monothelite schism with Constantinople through the recanting recanter Pyrrhus and the doubling down Paul, and the Type of Constans. Also dog vomit.
 
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76. Martin I

Martin had served as a papal legate in Dalmatia, and an apocrisiary in Constantinople, and he had come away from both with fairly sour opinions of the East. He took particular issue with Imperial interference in the papacy, and would repeatedly carry out bold decisions as pope that challenged the Emperor’s assumed hold over the church. In his episode, we discuss the aggressive escalation of the Monothelite conflict, the Council of the Lateran 649, and some very bad times.
 
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Crossover: Drunk Church History on Dante

Real Dead Poets Society! Unrequited Love! Popes in Hell!
Dante Alighieri (1265 - 1321) was a nobleman, politician, and poet in Medieval Florence, Italy. Inspired by his childhood love, Beatrice, he went on to write the greatest piece of Italian poetry in the Divine Comedy—all while serving a lifelong exile from his beloved city. 
(Fry and Bry join Josh from Drunk Church History to discuss Dante, because you know how much we love Dante!)
Listen to Drunk Church History: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/drunk-church-history/id1489613970Drunk Church History on Twitter: https://twitter.com/dchpod

77. Eugene I

Given that Pope Martin never abdicated upon his arrest, Pope Eugene started his tenure as an antipope. Sort of. But meek Eugene would surprise everyone - including us, when he showed up to HAUNT US. Don't try new heresies, folks.
 
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78. Vitalian

Pope Vitalian had a new approach to the current conflicts between the Roman Church and Constantinople, which worked out in his favor. In his episode, we discuss the perplexing 663 Imperial visit to Rome, the problem of autocephalous Ravenna, what happens when a newly consecrated foreign bishop dies in Rome, and naturally, the devil’s ass hair and glass genitals.
Check out Lyceum at lyceum.fm
 
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79. Adeodatus II

Pope Adeodatus spent the majority of his life as a monk, and brought his enthusiasm for monastic discipline to the papacy - but not like that zealot, Gregory. In his episode, we discuss new construction in Rome, the independence of Marmoutier Abbey in Tours, hints on the upcoming Doges of Venice, and omens.
PS - The Vatican virtual tour has been released, and we WILL be doing that together at some point soon.
 
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80. Donus

When Donus was elected to the papacy, he was already an old man, despite what his portrait would have you believe. In his episode, we discuss astronomical omens, the restoration of the autocephalous Ravenna, secret Nestorians, and an official fake pope who never existed. Also, we dive back down into the rabbit hole of the Celtic tonsure practices!
 
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Announcement: Intelligent Speech 2020!

Pontifacts will be appearing at Intelligent Speech 2020's virtual conference, with a talk on the children of the popes! Bry will also be sitting on a panel on Medieval history!
Intelligent Speech will be held on Saturday June 27th 10am-6pm EST
Find out more here: https://www.intelligentspeechconference.com/
Get your tickets here: https://www.intelligentspeechconference.com/product/online-ticket/

81. Agatho

Agatho entered the church quite late after a full career in business, and life as a monk - two entire lives before the papacy. In his episode, we discuss a return of St Wilfrid of York, the papal letter that formed the foundation of the Third Council of Constantinople, and is there bugs?
 
Catch Marco at Storia D'Italia: https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/ziyh4-a1352/Storia-d%27Italia-Podcast
 
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